Italian Virgin « Result #1 on Mar 14, 2009, 9:44am »
Maria just got married and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin and very inexperienced around men. So, on her wedding night, while staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry Maria,' says the mother. 'Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.'
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.' 'Don't worry, Maria,' says his mother. 'All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'
So up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs.' 'Don't worry Maria. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
'So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing the better part of three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.
I£¬You and she « Result #2 on Mar 14, 2009, 9:43am »
Peter was a clever boy. On his first day at school, he learned three words: 1, You and She. The teacher taught him how to make sentences with those words. The teacher said," I, I am your teacher; (then pointing to a girl) She, She is your classmate; You, You are my student.
¡¡¡¡When Peter went home, his father asked him what he had learned at school. Peter said at once, " I, I am your teacher; (then pointing to his mother) She, She is your classmate; You, You are my student His father got angry and said, "I, I am your father; (then pointing to his wife) She, She is your mother; You, You are my son.
¡¡¡¡The next morning at school, the teacher asked Peter if he had learned the three words by heart. "Yes," he said proudly, "I, I am your father; (then pointing to a girl) She, She is your mother; You, You are my son."
Re: Warriors ANP « Result #4 on Dec 30, 2006, 3:14pm »
Read Twilight. It was good. Same thoughts as before: the romance is random, Squirrelflight is being insanely unreasonable, and Midnight rocks. Oh, and Leafpool was stupid in going back to ThunderClan. She and Crowfeather would've been perfectly safe and happy if they hadn't gone back.
Horror Story « Result #5 on Dec 21, 2006, 3:58pm »
I don't know if I'm the only one here or not. If not, then I have this insane urge to write an insanely scary, creepy story (probably on account of the fact that I just watched a bunch of clips from the Ring and the Descent). I have no idea what it would be about, so that's why I posted this here. Any ideas?
A World of Wars « Result #6 on Dec 3, 2006, 10:43pm »
Part 1- The Galactic Exodus
Our planet is dying. It's not surprising, really. In fact, it is almost inevitable. When the Age of Technology came around, our world became in desperate need of fuel. With important inventions such as space travel, time machines, and the teleporter.
Life Begins at 40 « Result #7 on Nov 27, 2006, 4:41pm »
Life Begins at 40 A monologue by Colin Moore
My dad once told me, and I quote: "John Lennon was heard to say 'Life begins at 40.' Ironically enough, he died at age 40."
The thing is, I don't think it's ironic. For doesn't life begin when you feel happy? Whether or not you die the same time you feel happy, life still begins then, when you truly feel that you are happy. Isn't happiness the ultimate source of joy? Honestly, everything a human being does eventually leads to happiness. Why do we apply for a job? To get a job, which in turn makes money, which we can use to make us happy.
But is everything truly geared towards happiness? Was Katrina happy? The Holocaust? 9/11? What if we don't choose our path to happiness, which inadverntently causes coincidences? What if there's some greater power gearing everything we do, guiding our path?
Unfortunately, we come across the same problem. If there is a greater power, then why does he leave so many people in hunger, leaving people without a home, willing to sit by road signs on the Interstate with cardboard sign in their hand? Why has he killed so many people, or made them suffer unimaginable pain? Is it because it makes him happy?
I don't want to sound like a philosopher here. Philosophers are the ones who toil over why the meaning of life is 42. They never truly make anyone happy, instead just give them headaches by asking: "Why do we live? Why do we die? Why do we spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?" Then again, aren't they fated to do that, or is that just a coincidence?
The problem here is that, no matter how much you want to think about it, having coincedences exist is far less likely than there being a higher power. There was once a movie directed by M. Night Shyamalan called Signs that brings up this same point. The little girl couldn't possibly have not drunken all that water because she knew that someday, an alien would be running rampant around the house, knocking over the water, and for some reason be allergic to water.
That's just too weird to be a coincidence, right? Or could that girl honestly just thought leaving glasses of water all over the house might be a good idea? Don't we just have random impulses to do things because it makes us happy?
So we have two ways of looking at life currently: One, everything we do was fated by some greater being with a twisted sense of humor. Or, we choose our own paths towards happiness, inadvertently causing coincidences when two paths collide. So which one is it?
Re: Places Lit By Candles PG « Result #8 on Nov 9, 2006, 12:12am »
Sorry for the extremely long hole in the story, but this was for two reasons: One, I was still writing it, and two, it's now being made into a movie!
Of course, that may have deceived you. This is an animated movie about 15 minutes long made by me and my friend and played by me and my five friends. Jane and Olivia have been replaced in the movie with Joe and William, due to shortage of time to find two good female peoples to play them.
This movie will be finished around January of 2007. If possible, I will attempt to send the file to all who have followed this story when it is completely polished.
I will not be writing again until this is finished, because I am both a voice, director, scriptwriter, and animator. I have too much time working on this to work on this, basically.
So wait till January, and you'll get the finale of the story.
Forget for a minute, the disturbing image of the black-haired Samara poking her head out of the T.V. and climbing out to eat you or something. Forget that famous line, "before you die, you see the ring." Forget the idea of supernatural terrors crawling out of the depths of hell.
Instead, imagine a self-absorbed reporter, Asakawa, and his cynical friend Ryuji, who despises the human race. Imagine the shock when a cab driver is riding along the road, stops for a red light, and then the motorcycle rider in front of him keels over, tearing at his helmet.
Imagine a surreal video recorded by the sensual organs of a strangely beautiful teenager named Sadako. Imagine the video that kills you exactly seven days after you watch it.
I watched the movie the Ring, and rarely have I seen a movie so insanely scary. I soon looked in my library to see if they had the original book, which the original Japanese movie Ringu was based on. Lo and behold, there it was. I took it out, expecting the TV apparitions from the movie. I was pleasantly surprised.
This book should be read after the movie for the best effect, I believe. If I had read the book first, I would have gone in with false pretenses. I went in to the book thinking it was going to be different, and it was. It was scary, yes, but it was played out in a different sense than the movie. It was a different kind of scary. I really can't desribe it.
I reccomend you go see the movie and then read the book before your seven days are up.
Re: Warriors ANP « Result #16 on Sept 15, 2006, 9:10pm »
Finished Starlight. It was interesting. Nice segway into the new territories. The only thing I have a problem with is the seemingly random romance between Leafpool and Crowfeather. It just seems amazingly random, just like Erin Hunter wanted to throw in another problem. I'm also mad that Squirrelflight is being so freaking unreasonable. Hawkfrost is actually kind of cool. Sorry, I just started ranting about random thoughts about it.
Though I have not read Twilight yet, I guess that the cat with a forbidden love is Leafpool, the cat whose best friend is betraying her is Squirrelflight, talking about Brambleclaw, and I have no idea who the new enemy is or who's going to die.
Re: Places Lit By Candles PG « Result #17 on Sept 10, 2006, 11:47pm »
((Sorry for the delay. With school and stuff, it's been harder to write this. But, here I go.))
"We don't. You're absolutely right. Except for the fact that the Bush administration couldn't possibly have masterminded that little conspiracy."
"That's exactly my point. What are you getting at?"
"That this case is different. Completely different. Loose Change is a bunch of hogwash. 9/11 couldn't possibly have been masterminded by Bush, he doesn't have the brains. The Guster quartet is smart. They know what they're doing, and I'm sure that they deliberately wrote and produced Ruby Falls to tell people something."
"What would they want to tell people?" Olivia said, smiling as she found the gargantuan gaping hole in my argument.
"I don't know," I admitted. "Andrew, call Jordan. We need some help. Jane, can you look up every gig that Guster has ever had?"
"Sure thing," Jane said as Andrew headed to the phone.
The opera crowd with torches and pitchforks were no match for Erik's fangirls.
Joined: Jul 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 99 Location: Don't look under your bed!
The Health Inspector « Result #18 on Sept 10, 2006, 7:27pm »
Most people don’t know that health inspectors use secret photographers. Maria de Vindici was not the average person. She was rich. Her state-of-the-art detection system “saw” the hidden cameras the moment the photographer stepped in the door. And when the system saw it, Maria knew it. “Send out Wilson!” she said to her assistant. The young man raced off, knowing he would be richly awarded. “I wouldn’t want any unwanted information getting out, now would I?” she asked herself.
Felix Canin knew that this was possibly the hardest job that a health inspector could ever be assigned. The health inspector who had used the usual methods of testing, tasting, and watching had failed. Felix would not. He was armed with revolutionary new technology, the type of technology that was science fiction to most people: microprobes; Small robotic super-sensors. “Hi! I’m Mark Wilson. Welcome to Cantar, Italian Resturante. May I interest you in some Shrimp Pizza?” The collage aged Mark looked unusually nervous, and kept looking behind him as if he expected someone to sneak up on him. Felix didn’t, however, notice the small handheld device the waiter held in his right hand. “Why don’t you have something to drink? Don’t you want something to drink? What would you like to drink?” Felix was amused by the hurried way in which he said this, as if he wanted to get out of there but impress him at the same time. Just to annoy the man, the photographer pretended to think a long time before answering, though he didn’t drink anything but water and coffee. “I guess I’ll have the water…” said Felix in a slow, meandering voice. The waiter nodded vigorously and sped away as fast as he could. Felix cursed. He had hoped to hook his probe onto the waiter’s clothing. He didn’t have long to wait, however. The waiter returned within two minutes with the water, this time seeming strangely calm and reserved. “Here is your water sir. Enjoy.” With that, the scarily cool and collected individual turned and walked away, in the direction of the kitchen. Sitting on the back of his red Cantar uniform shirt, was a strange gray dot.
Nathaniel Robertson was impressed. One probe, planted by the newly inducted Felix Canin, worked as well as an entire system of security cameras. He signed the grant for the use and blueprints of the probes with a flourish. Then the smiling man opened his desk drawer. A quick search found the file on Maria de Vindici. As long suspected, she was a leading member of the local Mafia. The probe had proved this and allowed the “Cooking Improvement Association” to make a group of arrests; during a meeting in the restaurant basement! Amazing what the Central Intelligence Agency could find out under the guise of a Health Inspecting agency.
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